I've been drafted. Drafted into a war I barely knew existed.

I remember long ago hearing of a girl in my elementary school who had lung problems. I knew she had a disease and she missed a lot of school. I perceived sadness around her.

In adulthood I kissed our kiddos gauging their saltiness. I couldn't recall why this was important. I just knew it wasn't desirable and if they were to come up saltier than expected I'd bring that up to their doctor.

I would watch the local television commercials for home health care providers. Smiling toddlers wearing a contraption that shook them. I knew this had somehow replaced the claps to the back.

This information was distant and not anchored in my mind to anything. Just that stuff we somehow know and have absorbed over time.

And then, I was drafted into this war. And all those tidbits of information, disease, sadness, saltiness, toddlers wearing contraptions; well, all of those were now anchored, permanently to our youngest child.

The disease is called Cystic Fibrosis and I have been drafted into its war.

Like a young recruit I am not yet weary, angry or cynical from battle. Yet, I know those who have been drafted long before me can be. I can read about their loss and their anger on the net. And, I wonder, how long it will be before I sound like that? How long will it be until I call CF the enemy and curse it? Will I see it ravage our three year old like others I have read about? Or will CF live a quiet life like it has in my mother of sixty something years? What course will CF decide to take in our lives? Will it touch our other children as well?

Will I think things unthinkable about our God in anger and sorrow yet to come? Or will He give me His peace and increase my faith each step of the way so that I may bring glory to Him through this? Or, will I do both of these?

I sat with our sweet boy this week on the couch as his vest shook us both. We sat alone watching "Little Bill". Just the two of us in what is a very busy household. And that sadness I perceived in that little girl long ago settled on me. This is the way it was in the beginning with us. Just he and I, trusting the Lord, struggling to bring him into this world after weeks and weeks of bed rest. And, here we were again. Just us. There is something about a mama's heart for her children. A fierceness of love and devotion only the Lord can top. I know I will walk in this with him in a way others won't because I am his mother. And then, I know there may be the day when I won't be able to walk with him.

But, in that moment, I looked at him and smiled. I reached for that sweet head and planted a kiss there on his temple. So sweet and so salty. My dear boy and his sweet and salty kisses.

I have been drafted into the uncertainty that is CF.